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Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Harry Potter and the New Powers

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• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) HarryGinnyTonks 2008-05-22

  "Sighing as they broke apart, Harry sat down at the table while Fleur went to make him a sandwich"
  
  easily my favorite line in the story, hilarious.
  
  The whole uh oh, new lord! I will give him my daughter! thing was a little random.

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) Myself 2008-05-22

  Well, I'll say nothing about the sudden and strange change in Harry's behavior.
  But my God, couldn't find some more logical way to enslave Tracy? I don't the old good life-deb from the past would be much better, than this nonsense! Mr. Davis could hardly be a SUCH idiot...
  And it would be nice to explicate, why her fathers word, who isn't the Head of Family affect Tracy so much. What is it, family magic, or something else?

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) Marshmallow 2008-05-22

  omg!! Tracey's really really pretty!! She sounds like Melody from my story. I'm not saying you copied it because you're a friend and I wouldn't accuse you! But she's really pretty and VIOLET EYES?? wow, i once had violet contacts!
  
  cool update. please update again.
  xx

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) Saldeas 2008-05-22

  Step back a few feet, read your story in an honest, non-biased light, and then tell yourself that it's NOT worthless. I'm tired of trying to bash some sense into your thick skull, so try it with an open-mind and see if you still have the same opinion.

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) alchemist1806 2008-05-22

  
  Pay more attention to the story you are writing. The Davis manor is under the "Fidelius charm" but the wards can't keep Harry out? If so, how do you justify it? What is the explanation for why the Fidelius was broken?
  
  The Davis couple are a handsome man and beautiful woman? Not "wizard" and "witch"? How are they described? If their looks are unimportant then why qualify them?
  
  [quote]:
  Suddenly a soft whimper came from the corner, and Harry looked up to see his classmate, Tracey Davis. "She had long straight black hair that went down to her waist in soft, wavy curls." Her eyes were a dark violet, and she had a gorgeous figure. Had Harry not been so in love with Fleur, he may have been smitten. As it was, he simply looked upon her in pity.
  
  Don't you see something wrong with this? How can 'long "straight" black hair' fall down to her waist in 'soft "wavy curls"'?
  
  "(Awwww....I love it when guys are so in love with the girl they are with, they don't even look at other girls.)"
  
  What is this line doing in the story? In what way is this related to the tale? Even if it is necessary, should this not be an A/N at the end?
  
  Still the grammar is good so that's one good thing you can take away from this chapter.
  

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) deramo29 2008-05-22

  I am enjoying it if people don't like it oh well don't sweat it.

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) slashslut 2008-05-22

  i like this story and am glad to see more people are just reading it for enjoyment instead of a critical analysis:)

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) LDA 2008-05-22

  is it just me or has the storyline and quality of it just gotten worse?? PUT SOME THOUGHT INTO IT!!

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) Dragen 2008-05-23

  Another great chapter mate, loving how the story is going, I can't wait to see what happens next.
  
  I like how Harry reacted when Mr. Davis - the fucking ass - swer over his only child to him.
  
  How is Harry going to treat Tracey, I hope in a way like a true slave, but seeing how the story is going I don't think so - but I can hope :D
  
  

• Harry Potter and the New Powers

  (#) dfge 2008-05-23

  One question before the rest of the review, what category is this story?
  
  One thing that is annoying, is that character development is non existent. No seriously, the new characters just seem to be puppets which are held by string and they show almost no emotion. As soon as we see the Daviss, their first reaction is to attack now, ask questions later. Why don't they just try to lure him into a false sense of safety and capture, poison him etc.?

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