Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Harry Potter and the New Powers
Reviews
Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) oldmetalhead 2008-05-23
I agree about no character development, but I will go one step farther.
I like this story, but it is moving too fast. You barely meet the characters, and the scenes are practically non-existent.
I would like to SEE what I am reading.
When I finish a chapter of this story I feel out of breath, like I am running full speed ahead.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2008-05-25
OK, nice and original. Even a little longer. Not nearly long enough. I added you to my alerts and I hope that you update soon.
Geovanni LucianoHarry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Vanir 2008-05-26
I'm getting speed-blind here. Slow down a bit, please. The tunnel-vision robs the story of many rather nice intricacies. Yes, i understand that this etch-a-sketch style is part of the allure of the story, but a slower pace and a few extra read-throughs before posting might be a good thing. Hint: Read the lines out loud, and think on whether real people talk like that. That should help with the extreme brevity. After describing something, clear your mind and read your description and visualize. Does it match? This will catch things like Tracy's hair. Just my two knuts.
VanirHarry Potter and the New Powers
(#) TxA_GunFighter 2008-05-30
Good chapter, you write what you want and if someone doesn't like it they can stop reading.
gunnyHarry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Basic_Imperfection 2008-06-03
...To be entirely honest, I think that this story contains far too many clichés. As this subject seems to have already been beaten to death among your reviewers however, let me explain it from a different point of view. Your main problem is that you don't explain: You have all of these different heritages and powers just pop out of nowhere. You should take some time to explain where all of these things come from. For example, how is he related to Gryffindor, Slytherin, Merlin, etc.? Where does the "new power" from the beginning of the story come from? Was his magic being blocked, was it an inheritance, etc.? Explain why what happens, happens.
Along the same lines, you should also use a lot more descriptions in your writing. For example, you can take this "The house was massive, though smaller than the Potter Manor. It has a great round turret on all the corners, but was only five stories tall." and turn it into this:
"The gravel crunched beneath Harry's boots as stalked up the road toward the Davis' home. Though smaller than the Potter Manor it was still massive, stretching five stories into air. Thick, round turrets protruded from each corner of the building almost giving it the appearance of a castle. There was a strange, oppressive heaviness in the air that was only increased by the storm clouds gathering in the air above."
I guess what I'm saying is that you should take the time to fully describe Harry's surroundings, his actions, and the people that he's with. You'll find that the quality of your writing will increase drastically if you do.
The only other suggestion that I have is that you should take Harry's relationship with Fleur a little bit slower. You literally had the two of them look at each other and fall in love. At least take some time to let them get to know each other and feel a bit of awkwardness with the situation as they fall deeper in love. Use your own past relationships as a reference.
Keep up with your writing though! I've found that the best way to improve your abilities is to just keep on at it. Without even realizing it you'll begin to notice yourself getting better and better. Good luck with this story!
--B.I.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) dansmith 2008-06-18
Sorry to be so negative but this story is terrible.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Under_score 2008-07-10
Just keep writing, you'll get better...hopefully.
Try to increase the size of your chapters a bit more, it would allow you to flesh out and explain characterizations and the settings better.
Take time to think about whats happening in the story, and make sure things don't contradict each other.
Other than that ignore flames and keep writing.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Under_score 2008-07-10
Just keep writing, you'll get better...hopefully.
Try to increase the size of your chapters a bit more, it would allow you to flesh out and explain characterizations and the settings better.
Take time to think about whats happening in the story, and make sure things don't contradict each other.
Other than that ignore flames and keep writing.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) rdgale2000 2008-08-12
This story really is too good to stop right here. I hope you can find time to continue with your writing (I know I'm a fine one to talk, I haven't updated my story for about a year now).
I really would like to see where you take this story from here. I'm sure Fluer will come to understand that it wasn't Harry's idea to come back from the Davis' with a slave, and there are so many other people Harry has to 'get even' with.
Really I just want to see what Merlin set up for a Harry's obstical (sp) course.
Keep up the good work.
I look forward to your next chapter.
Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) SoulStrife 2008-08-16
You seem to have good ideas, you obviously enjoy writing your story but you need to either get a beta or at the least spell check your work. I have read the reviews others have posted and can only say that if someone doesn't like your story ignore them unless they are willing to input constructive criticism. For the reviews that are purely flames, I’d suggest you use them to remind you that there are close minded people in this world and not everyone is intelligent enough to express their thoughts in less hurtful ways. Keep up the good work. I hope to see an update sometime in the near future.
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