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Chapter 46- Believing

Maddie's POV

Ow, god dammit, that hurts. My whole body was aching with huge pain. My back was scorching and my head was spinning crazily. I groaned loudly into the nothing of atmosphere around me.

I decided that I wanted to die, but then I realized it didn’t matter if I went to heaven or not, the only heaven I could have was with Gerard. Now I am fighting death with everything I have, and it hurts a million times worse than being shot I can tell you that. The only thing I knew was that there was a chance I could make my way back to Gerard, I didn’t know how, but if I couldn’t then why was God just letting me waste my energy on trying? So I figured the harder I fought the pain and the numbness that was starting to tingle in my toes, the better chance I would have of making it back to life. I know this sounds crazy and confusing, but I had to get to Gerard. I had too.

Every once in a while I could hear the frantic shouts of nurses and surgeons. I was sure it was because, at first, I had died. Then when I began fighting for my life, my heart probably restarted and now people are trying to save me. I know how extremely crazy this sounds, but I didn’t care, all I wanted was Gerard.

I screamed out loud as a fresh searing pain shot through my body. The numbness rocketed to my knees and I forced myself to focus on pushing it away. I didn’t want to die, I wanted to live, I had a reason to live. I listened to the pulsating rhythm of my heart and thought of how great Gerard was, the wonderful scent he had, the feeling I got in my stomach whenever he was close, feeling his soft lips against mine. My lungs felt like they were on fire and I realized I had stopped breathing, I took a raspy breath and bile started to rise in my throat. No! I didn’t want to throw up! I tried to swallow it down, but it didn’t make a difference. I heard the distant shouts of nurses as my stomach emptied. My eyes swelled with tears and I wished someone would get me some water.

“She’s responsive!” A distant female voice was shouting over me, I heard people jostling around and the clinking of metal against metal. Yes, I was aware I was responsive; I have been trying to be alive for the past hour!

“Marie, this is a waste of time! We cannot save her!” A deep male voice argued. I was so not a waste of time! I had to survive, I had too! I tightened my sore muscles and tried my hardest to focus on their voices and bring myself out of the cold darkness or nothing that had surrounded me.

“Yes we can! I know it, she’s responsive, she will live! I’m positive!” Marie shouted again, her voice was becoming louder and I clenched my jaw against the agonizing pain that was rocketing through my body making me shake. I felt like my head was splitting in two and someone was repeatedly stabbing me in the chest. I screamed out loud, but kept thinking about Gerard, he was what kept me fighting, he was the only reason to sty alive.

“Did you see that! She’s stirring!” Marie shouted. More sounds of moving and peoples voices came to my ears. I was so close. Then a dim light appeared in this pit of darkness. The air around me seemed to gain some warmth, and fresh anesthetic rushed into my nose. I coughed and my throat was burning, I let out a tiny yelp of pain and I could feel hands holding onto my body.

“What did I tell you!” Marie shouted again, the bile was rising in my throat again, I tried desperately to swallow it. I heard several people groan in disgust as I threw up. I was moved onto my side so I didn’t choke on my own vomit, my body felt so limp and my muscles weren’t cooperating with what I wanted.

“Somebody go tell Chris! She has to let the family know, as of right now they think she’s dead!” The deep man’s voice shouted and I heard the sound of footsteps running from the room. I gasped for air and the uncomfortable tube that was placed in my nose helped me with that. I was placed onto my back again and I screamed again as pressure was put onto my wound. It seemed like the whole world shook as I screamed, then suddenly and very violently I was ripped back to reality. I screamed again as the massive weight of pain pushed harder on me.

“Ahh!” I screamed loudly and I opened my eyes to see the sterile white emergency room that was full to the brim of people. They were rushing in and out of the room shouting instructions to each other; no one seemed to notice I was awake again. I looked around and tried to lift my head up, but my neck was sore and I winced and stopped trying to move.

“What’s going on?” Marie shouted in frustration. I screamed out again and my stomach erupted in pain. I felt like fire was burning my insides. I closed my hand into a fist and dug my nails into the skin of my palm until it bled.

“Marie! She’s going into labor!” Someone shouted.

“WHAT?!” Marie and I yelled at the same time. I was only fifteen weeks pregnant! This was impossible!

“Yes, yes look!” People scurried around to get a good look at what the small male nurse was talking about.

“Okay, WHOA!” I shouted closing my legs weakly.

“Good god!” Marie shouted, “Some one get her pain meds, and a PA now!” more people left the chaotic room.

“What the hell is going on?!” I screamed. No one was even bothering to keep me calm! I was terrified of this whole situation and I just wanted Gerard. Tears started streaming down my face and a sharp pain seared in my stomach.

“Marie, there coming so fast!” Someone shouted. My legs were propped up again and tears flowed heavily down my face. This was not only humiliating, but I felt so alone and out of place.

“That must mean-“

“No! Don’t say anything, she’s too unstable right now,” Marie interrupted. I wanted more than anything in the world to see Gerard right now, I wanted him to be here with me when I gave birth, but yet I was here doing this alone.

“Madison, dear, could you try to push, it would help a lot,” A soothing male voice said, I nodded meekly and tried my best to help. I screamed out as the pain hit me full force. I pulled at the hair in my head and scratched my scalp with my sharp finger nails. Then once I felt the pain subside, I craned my head to see my child. But the man was covering it with a white blanket, it was screaming or wriggling, it was still. He handed it to another person and began wrapping up another. I exploded in sobs as I realized what was happening.

“Marie how could this-?”

“The information was wrong, it was a mistake, there’s nothing we can do,” Marie said as she wiped the sweat from her brow, “At least she’s alive.” Marie noticed I was watching her and she smiled weakly before walking over to me.

“Please, take me to Gerard,” I whispered through my tears. I wanted to see him more than anything right now. I wanted everyone in the room to leave and I just wanted it to be me and Gerard. My heart hurt from not being able to see him.

“You’re going to have to wait a while, then I promise you can see him,” She gave me an encouraging smile, but I shook my head no. She furrowed her brows in confusion and frowned down at me.

“Let me see him now,” I demanded. I felt weak, like I was going to relapse death at any second, my whole body hurt, and I wanted to see him before my heart failed me. No, I needed to see him. But Marie was persistent and I shook her head slowly before calling all the other people and they followed her out of the room.

If she wouldn’t bring Gerard to me, then I was going to go to him. I slowly sat up ignoring the shooting pain that it caused me and the dizziness in my head. I blinked a few times and gingerly threw my legs over the side of the table and stood carefully on them. Immediately my knees began buckling and I held tightly onto the table to keep myself up right. Once I could manage to move (but with much difficulty and pain) I hobbled my way towards the door. I peered out of them and once the coast was clear I slowly pushed them open and made my way towards the main lobby of the ER ward.

It was difficult to breathe and I had to move extremely slowly to keep from crumpling to the floor. My whole body hurt and I felt like I was going to throw up again. I was also sweating, even though I was just dressed in a hospital gown my body was really hot and it felt like I was starting to get a sun burn. The place on my back where I was shot was pulsating with every beat of my heart and I took shaky breaths as I slowly but surely made my way down the long hall.
My feet were starting to feel numb as I inched my way closer, then I noticed someone was standing outside the door. They were sobbing into their hands and they looked so sad, but seemed so familiar. I tried my best to move faster, I was exhausting myself but I didn’t care I had to get to Gerard, or whomever was standing outside the door. I bit back a shout from the pain and kept thinking that I would soon be able to see Gerard, I could hold him in my arms, love him until I died. My heart was hurting; I needed to be with him. I didn’t love anyone as much as I loved Gerard. I wanted to be perfect for him, but I knew I wasn’t. I was a disease ridden, whore that had just given birth and almost died, I had single handedly caused him probably the most pain he’s ever felt, and I was the most untalented, emotional bitch that anyone would ever meet. I would never ever be good enough for him and yet he still loved me. I was so extremely grateful that I had met him, because if I hadn’t I would have never really realized how love felt. I would never have experienced it and from what I felt for Gerard right now I knew that being in love with someone felt great, and never did I ever want to stop loving Gerard. So there wasn’t anything that could stop me from doing just that.

I was only a couple feet away from the doors now and that’s when I realized the person crying was Mikey. It was then when the adrenaline began pumping and I covered the last few feet in a matter of seconds. I threw the doors open nearly hitting Mikey in the process and I threw myself on him in a hug, not only because I was so glad he was here, but because I had wore myself and could barely stand.

“Mikey!” I shouted as I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tightly. The startled Mikey stumbled back a few steps and slowly pushed me away. I held tightly onto him for balance, but moved back a little so he could at least see my face. Mikey looked miserable, his eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks were tear stained and blotched. I frowned as I watched a fresh tear escape from his eyes. I slowly wiped it away.

“Maddie?” Mikey said with a hoarse voice. I nodded slowly, his face brightened a bit and then before I knew it Mikey was hugging me so hard it hurt. I giggled and hugged him back, he twirled me around, but I began feeling nauseous.

“Okay, Mikey, stop, ouch Mikes that hurts,” I said weakly as he put me back on the ground. I swayed a little bit and he grabbed my shoulders to balance me.

“Maddie, how the hell did this happen?” He asked as he stared at me in amazement. I had a sudden urge to hug him again and I did so, “Um…” Mikey said to my random hug, but he just gave me a small hug back.

“Mikey, to be honest I don’t know, but I have to get to Gerard,” I said and Mikey nodded, he moved a little bit then he hesitated. He turned towards me and bit his lip while staring at his feet. “Mikes, what’s up?” I asked. He lifted his head and caught my gaze. He looked a little sad, but he took a small step closer. My eyes went wide and I wanted to take a step back.

“Maddie, you know I love you like a sister, right?” Mikey asked. I nodded weakly and he smiled a bit, “Then you wouldn’t mind if I did this?” Then Mikey slowly leaned forward and kissed my forehead. He pulled back with a smile on his face.

“I guess I don’t mind considering I didn’t punch you for doing that,” I said and he laughed before giving me another quick hug.

“I missed you so much and so did Gerard, he’s really beat up.” Mikey said honestly. “I feel very protective about you both, and seeing this hurt you and Gerard hurt me just as much.” He admitted. I nodded and took his hand giving it a small friendly squeeze.

“Let’s go find him then,” I said and with a nod Mikey and I slowly began walking out into the open ER waiting room. I felt my heart’s pace begin to quicken and I needed so desperately to see Gerard again. Then right as I thought it, I saw him. He stood in the space of the automatic doors with Caitlin at his side, both of them leaving this hospital. I couldn’t breath, but somehow my voice found itself.

“Gerard!” I shouted weakly and Mikey put his arm around my waist to help hold me up. His head turned towards me and I finally saw his face for what had seemed like forever, but I knew had only been a couple hours. He squinted at me then opened his mouth and spoke,

“Maddie?”

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A/N: super sorry for the wait! and yesm maddie is alive, if this didnt explain itself feel free to review or tweet it up! LURVE Y'ALL!