(#) dhampirkinfolk 2008-05-09Normally I'm not this critical. I see bad fic, I ignore it an move on. But this is the third piece of drivel I've read in the last half hour. I work hard on my writing. It takes hours, sometimes days to get the right words in the right order to tell a story.
And when I see this kind of hurried, nonsensical, over-regurgitated swill being passed off as a writer's best efforts, I'm offended.
'Harry Potter and the New Powers' my ass. There's nothing new here.
Author's responseI'm sorry you think that. In my defense, this is my first time writing fanfiction and it's not easy! Also, it's not hurried - things will make more sense later on, but I'm trying to establish the story.
Thank you for your review.
Also, I've been trying my best to ignore it, but I can't help myself anymore. You were quite rude, you know! Perhaps you should be encouraging new authors, not being mean!
After you talked about your stories, I looked at them. You know what? They're not very good either! I just started writing! If you claim to work so hard on your stories and they're still so average, why are you going around being rude to new authors?!
I really hope you reconsider your behavior and apologize, its really very uncalled for. I'm also sorry, in case I offended you, but your review made me very mad!
(#) jabarber69 2008-05-09Hey great story but I got a couple of questions: 1st. at end of chapter 2 they forgot his cloak and photo album 2nd. at end of chapter 2 when merlin was taking himn away he mention they would get harry a staff, then he used a portkey to get harry to gringotts, when harry landed he used a staff, where did he get it!?!
Author's responseThe staff that Harry is using right now is Merlin's. Merlin is of course invisible to the goblins, so he is letting Harry borrow it. Don't worry, Harry will get his own staff soon - I've already got it planned out!
Thank you for your review.
(#) stealacandy 2008-05-09Hello Genocide!
I read your story, including the comment about it being your first fic in the first chapter, so I'll be relatively gentle with you so as not to put you off writing.
This story indeed shows all the sign of a first fic soon to be abandoned in pursuit of better literture. It reads like one of those fics for chalanges that say "Okay, we all saw the cliches, we all hate them, really can't stand them at all, let's, just for a laught, write a story that corporates just about every possible clishe in existance!"
Now, those stories can either go the way of "Yes, but do so with a twist, turning the overused and fundamentally stupid plop-bunnies into original and surprising ones." - which often make for good fanfiction, or the way of 'let's make it funny and hilarious, poking fun at all those idiot jerks who write this crap with al seriousness and think they invented the wheel." which often achieves its mark in extracting a joke, and furthemore serve as an excersize in futility and point ot demonstrate the excess, redundant fanfiction that floods this site to the point of overwhelming. (Still, it is far better than the situation in ff.net. They are light-years ahead in accomulation of bad fics, and since they began categorizing the communities, they began copyig from each other to the point they all show the same fics, so you can't even brows and skim through different groups in order to fish the one good story of the week... )
So your story reads like one of those. Alas, it seems to me, you actually mean it seriously, going for drama rather than comic relief, so I have no choice but harken and agree with my fellow readers and reviewers: "Harry Potter and the New Powers"? Perhaps "Harry Potter and the overused and Regurgitated Stupid, Annoying Clich'es" might serve you better. Than again, this story is better left unwritten, so no title at all would go even further.
As a fellow medicine student, I know that the subject does not require extentive originality and creativity, you don't have to come up with new ideas, in fact, most of what you do, the first few years at least, is regurgitate the stuff the professors and doctors are feeding you to the point of disgust, but what works to teach yound doctors things they would never have to use nor would remember the minute the finals are over, does not work when writing fiction, I am afraid to say.
Better luck next time.
- Cliches exist for a reason... but each story, while dealing with cliches, still needs to have some originality within it.
That said, your chapters are too short, and the "break" between them is not clean. You're leaving out scenes such as how Harry got a staff, what the difference between a staff and a wand is.
Of course, the reason why I'm reading this is I saw you mention "slave!Tracey", which hasn't happened yet. Also "Harry+Fleur" is another reason.
It seems you don't have a editor/beta-reader, and I suggest, as one writer to another, that you ask around to find one. Having someone else go over your work will help you a lot.
Author's responseI have some really cool ideas for Tracey! I really like her, it's a shame Rowling didn't do more with her character - but I'll fix that, believe you me!
Thank you for reviewing.
- I just found this story so I do not know how often you update, if you update quickly the chapter length is fine if you update a bit more slowly you might want to take two of your chapters and post it as one. This is a very good start and I look forward to seing ware you go with it thanks for writting.
(#) HarryGinnyTonks 2008-05-09A bit cliched. The whole Dumbles betrayal, Hermione/Ron cutting him off, Merlin heritage are a bit used.
Then again, 95% of fan fiction is cliched so whatever!
I think you can wriet pretty well, you have good flow and grammar. I am interested to read this story.
Two words of advice (metaphorically speaking): First, avoid more cliches. Perchance make it so Harry isn't a descendant of Merlin, just that Merlin looked through time and saw Harry needed help.
Second: Write longer chapters. Id rather you update less often with longer, more detailed chapters.
Keep going, and keep trying. If this is your first story, then do what you wish. MY first story was a piece of crap!
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