Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Harry Potter and the New Powers
Reviews
Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) lycus 2008-05-09
Well the story seems okay for a firts time writer,so I'll be gentle. now efore you post your story read it carefully or have a friend check it. now as for one you assumed that evryone knew that harry was borrowing merlins staff. you can't assume and you nedd a little more detail. what happened to his relitaves, did the ministry find out about that surge of power. harrys wand may have tracking charms on it but it didn't have anthing to do with prophecy. don't put ron and hermione in a reationship leave them as business partners. be oriinal and don't let harry fall into the habit of listening to dumbledore at all. and use harrys position to remove dumbles from hogwars and have one of isown take the postion and get rid of snape. but otherwise have him change schools. and last harry needs training so let him leave to get it without dumbles interference and make harry a citizen of whatever country he goes to school in if he does change schools. these are just suggstions so if you get stuck take a suggestion from the reviews that you get and take your time, you have to crawl before you walk.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) toranosuke 2008-05-09
Like others have mentioned, the story is pretty cliched. The inexplicable powers Harry one day wakes up with, the betrayal, manipulation, etc. Hopefully that the cliches will only be in the beginning so that you can take the story somewhere original.
Longer chapters would be better as the reader would be able to get more into the story without the sudden cut-offs after 900 words. I would say to go for 2500 words as a minimum goal.
Other than that I think you're doing alright for a beginner, that's what this is all about, isn't it?Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) slashslut 2008-05-09
i don't understand the people who read fics that they dont like and then flame the author. if you dont like it, DON'T READ IT! Just because you don't like it doesn't mean others will feel the same. is the plot cliche, perhaps but does that mean no one should ever agan try their hand at writing a story just because it's been done before? that's ignorant. i for one liked the story so far. it's the author's first story; is anyone's first attempt at ANYTHING perfect? doubtful. i applaud the author for trying because i for one am content to be a "lurker":) keep going, keep writing and just delete the flamers to avoid getting burned;)Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) GryffindorDragon 2008-05-09
I was going to ask about the magically appearing staff, but see that question was already raised? It might've helped if you had made clear in the story what you explained in your author response. You know what's going on in the story, but your readers don't. So unless it has to wait for a later development, narrate it as you go.
As for the cliches, I think a mountain is being made out of a molehill. While I see some echoed ideas (what story doesn't do that?, you're telling your own storyline.
I do agree, however, that the chapters are a bit short.
I hope to read more!!Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) toranosuke 2008-05-09
Slashslut, not all criticisms are flames. It is the author's first story but how does he (or she?) know what to improve without people reading it and expressing their opinions?Author's response
Please let me say that I don't mind constructive critisism! If you don't like something I'm doing, then let me know so that I can try to do better. But please don't just be mean and rude and flame! I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Anyway, Im glad that so many of you are liking this story! I've got soooo many ideas! Thanks for the reviews!Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Cateagle 2008-05-09
Well, this chapter does have lots of cliches, though those can be used in novel ways, so I'm not going to complain, yet, about those. I think my biggest complaint about this chapter is that it feels so rushed and squished together, like you put it together in a hurry. I do think you could redo it and work on it to make it read better and be more enjoyable for the readers.
That said, it's an energetic style of writing that does pull the reader along.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) SomeGuyFawkes 2008-05-22
Hooboy. The mechanics of this chapter were OK.
But the characterizations and plot are simple, juvenile, and not at all original to HP fanfic. If you were a ninth grader, this would make sense and we would expect you to get better with more reading and life experience. If you really are 20, then perhaps you should find some great stories and reread them with an eye to how the author transfered his tale to paper.
Maybe buy and memorize a copy of Writing and Thinking by Foerster and Steadman.
Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2008-05-25
One complaint.
Harry waved his staff and a velvety chair sprang up out of existence from nowhere.
In this chapter, um, where'd he get a staff when he hadn't had one made yet? I know it's a slip up but I thought that I'd point it out.
Geovanni Luciano
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