- The chapter was good, however some of the the school things I have an issue with. I might be showing my ignorance, but the scene with the solicitor and Fredric Branck rubbed me the wrong way.
Having been the victim of that sort of thing myself, with a protected gang of boys, I can say that in America having an outsider show up like that and reveal herself would get her arrested for trespassing. They would be too busy calling the cops to listen to her evidence in the disciplinary matter.
Now at the station and in the courts it might be useful, but the attorney would still be facing the charges.
You should rewrite it so that Dudley has the tape recorder, and calls the solicitor and has her show up with his parents, THEN presents the tape recorder.
If Dudely were to show the tape recorder before that, it would be confiscated and the tape "accidentally" ruined before it can be used to prove his case. Not only that, but a new rule or an existing one would be put into play explicitly banning Dudley from having such a device for some made up reason like not being allowed to record the lectures or some other stupid thing.
That DID happen to me when I tried a dictation tape recorder with the micro cassettes. Approximately the same time frame as well. I did learn to give up trying to show my innocence however as well as any respect for the authority in question.
After that, they had the gall to wonder why I started being disrespectful to them and their authority in their "disciplinary" settings.
Author's responseI also grew up as the favorite target of bullies. My father made it clear to all of us, that he wouldn't tolerate the social disgrace of his children fighting...regardless the cost. He went so far as to say to us: "I have enough kids. I can kill five of you and still have an heir."
In my case, the primary antagonist was a jerk named 'Biff' (no shit!) His dad and Coach Gentry were drinking buddies, and so he became the quarterback, and literally had the run of the school. He was a bully, an extortionist, and later, a rapist.
When my dad came after me for getting beat up, I told him that it was his won fault. After all, he'd told us he would beat us if we fought back. He beat me anyway, for daring to show him disrespect, as he put it.
Like you, I tried to get evidence (But back then, cassette recorders were huge, by today's standards) and like you, new rules were made up to prevent exactly that.
Fortunately my salvage came in the form of my elder sister who first taught me how to make various explosives and toxic gasses from what one could find in a normal household. From then on, I became expert in creating untraceable 'accidents'...usually explosive ones.
As for Carolyn, being solicitor for the Dursley family, she has every right to speak with her client,even on school grounds, just as long as she reports her presence to the office.
What happened was that she was on her way from the parking lot to check in with the office when she 'just happened' to come across the bullying students and their facilitator...in the act of attempting to extort money from a student.
Yup, that's her story and she's sticking to it!
- Hmmmmmm.....it's a pity there isn't a neutral place that Fawkes and Nagini could meet to discuss their problems! I can see it now, a private club for familiars.....chuckle. Couldn't you see Crookshanks, Fawkes, and Hedwig on one side of the table with Nagini, Mrs. Norris and Wormtail on the other. I know Wormy's technically not a familiar but he did masquerade as one. Thanks again! :)
Author's responseIsn't that kinda like the
sidekicks clubhouse' from 'The Tick'?
- My sympathies and best wishes to your sister; I'm dealing with some of the same ilk myself and they are not pleasant to deal with.
I enjoyed the ruined Deeter attack on Ollivader's and the various aftermaths. I do hope the dragons enjoyed their snack (though I wonder how long it's going to take anyone to figure out what happened). I wonder how long Tommy-boy is going to retain his tenuous grasp on what sanity he has with all the headaches, in multiple ways, that Harry's giving him. It will be quite interesting to see just what special and useful information Ollivander can impart to Harry and company; I'm sure there's a lot he can't tell but there's always the useful bits that can be told.
The training sequence was good and most of his troops seem to be adapting nicely. I suspect that Ron, Seamus, and Ernie will need more than one round of re-motivation; perhaps Ginny could be assigned to "mentor" Ron; I'm sure that'd impress upon him just how much of a slacker he's been. Frankly, I'm not convinced Harry will end up taking all of these troops into his first battle after they're all ready; if I were him, I'd follow the example of Gideon, from the Old Testament, and select out a smaller cadre of true warriors (if you'll remember, Gideon's final "downselect" to "only" 300 was by seeing who, though exceedingly thirsty, maintained situational awareness while drinking from a river).
All things considered, 'tis a very good thing Harry has HErmione to help him deal with his stresses and doubts, and vice-versa. I'm inclined to think that anyone who tries anything with her, especially a Deez, will find it exceedingly unhealthy even before Harry gets to them, and exceedingly hazardous to continued life when Harry gets to him.
Author's responseThank you cat, and the sympathies are appreciated. We wouldn't have as much problems if they'd only take what we can afford to send, but no, they have to demand more and more. their excuse of the bank not accepting the amounts is ludicrous. The bank handles money and is not supposed to involved in any other manner.
I intend to have the Deeters draw back a bleeding mitt each time they strike. Continual losses are going to undermine morale and that makes them less than effective. Add to that Voldemort's increasingly erratic behavior, due to both his addiction and the 'outside influence' from H&Hr, and they are in for a nasty ride! Unfortunately, I can't have it all one way. The next time they strike they will be a bit more effective.
Ollivander will be a walk on, from here on in. Since Harry already knows about the wands, he really doesn't need any new information on wands. On the other hand, Ollivander does have a unique heritage and perhaps he will be one of those 'guest-speakers'.
I used to love to run an O course very much like that in BUD-S. After the first few weeks it's less challenging and more fun. Here, they've been running it every third day for about two weeks. They still have a ways to go before they feel comfortable, but in time, they will.
Ginny would drive Ron insane within a few days. They'd have to balance the commission from Harry against the 'little sister' factor. Simply put, Rn wouldn't listen. Still, Neville will straighten him out.
A hint...In December, he'll be getting his last tutor.
Harry has no intention of taking all his troops into battle. As he told Mr. Weasley, he intends to take the twenty or so most prepared, into battle. While i did not consciously use Gideon's example, I am aware of the story.
Hermione. Unlike Rowling, I have a reason to make Hermione Harry's equal. She's earned the spot. Anyone attacking her, will have to survive, her before Harry, Mack, or any of her friends arrive to sweep up whatever's left.
- Heh, I forgot to say that I greatly enjoyed the looks in on the various Dursleys. 'Twould appear that Dudley is salvageable and I hope that work in progress continues. I thought the bit with Carolyn being on his side was a nice touch; I suspect Branck may find himself having rather more woes given her firms hard-earned reputation.
Teresa's suggestion reminds me of an episode of Babylon 5 where D'lenn's and Londo's aides are commisserating each other in a bar. 'Twas a nice comic touch for that series.
Author's responseThanks. Can't forget about them, y'know!
Dudley showed promise in six, and that's the only reason I saved his bacon.
Carolyn is too much fun to write. I couldn't leave her out. 'Sides, we have a contract, and she 'is' a lawyer.
For the sake of continuity, Branck will make one more appearance in a few months, whee he argues his termination to an unsympathetic board of education.
I loved that show! Watching Lennier and Vir complaining about their bosses was a blast!
(#) ElitaPrime18 2010-08-12This is a great story. Why did you disable the positive sides of the ratings? I wanted to give you an A++ for your creative writing. It is totally awesome. Nice spelling and grammar as well.
Author's responseThank you, ElitaPrime. I appreciate your kind words. As fr the positive ratings? I'm not familiar with teh ratings system. Perhaps it's something the mods do?
Glad you;re enjoying the show. Stay tuned for more...
- Look, I know you are trying, and you have some good ideas, but you have to pay attention to what you write. The death eater that Harry first cuts? He is bleeding. From a lightsaber wound. Really?? I also think your combat scenes have no oomph, flash, or urgency. Honestly, you have made Harry invincible, not super.
Author's responseThank you for your comments. I'll deal with them one at a time.
The lightsaber is an energy weapon but it only partially cauterizes the wounds. The death eater is bleeding because Harry cut off his arm. (Reference the cantina scene in ANH.)
Oomph and flash: Have you ever been in a gunfight? I have. Harry is handling the combat like a professional would. The same goes or Dobby. they have a job to do, and little time to do it.
I have not made Harry invincible. I have made hm a Jedi.
- That was another great chapter, and we see that ron is in this more for the glory than saving the world cough it was food in DH cough. but I do want to thank you for having a Harry/Hermione story where she doesn't just run Harry's life. And since I suggested Su Li for Harry's other girlfriend I did some checking and found that most authors write her as the traditional asian girl as in quiet and submissive with a petite body, But since she isn't a developed charater you can make her into what ever you choose, like daphne greengrass, or lisa turpin.
Author's responseRon's character in canon is a jealous, small minded bigot who believes he is owed something by the world, without making an attempt to actually earn it. That's the primary reason I object so much to the Ron/Hermione pairing. There's really very little difference between him and Draco Malfoy. He just has less money.
that said, I have no intention of making him a Sith. Quite honestly, he hasn't got the drive. He will try his best...when properly motivated, but he will retain the unique 'Ron-ness' of canon.
Su Li, I decided to pair her with Orla Quirke. As I said, since I know so little about her, I wouldn't feel right in placing her in the primary pairing. I do have a nice little scene where Ernie gets in trouble, and she's a part of it. She and Orla will play a part in the future as well.
Perhaps I'll develop her as a primary character in another story.
(#) blackmage18 2010-08-14Last time I checked, a light sabre doesn't leave a bloody wound behind. It cauterizes.
Author's responseA lightsaber blade only 'partially' cauterizes, (Ref: Splinter of the Minds Eye') and that only due to the speed f the cut. Also, when one amputates a limb, as Harry did here, there is no way to keep it from bleeding out. There are just too many blood vessels in work.
Reference the cantina scene in the original Star Wars movie.
(#) twistyguru 2010-08-14Another interesting (and well written) chapter--I find myself eagerly looking forward to further updates in this story, even though I never thought that the premise would work. You're doing a great job managing it, though.
One thing: 'deosil' is the clockwise counterpart of 'widdershins'. (Yes, I'm just now catching up on several chapters at once, due to the demands of RL).
Oh, and the buckyball-coated desk is too funny! Snape will NEVER EVER figure it out, as it is completely outside of his frame of reference.
Author's responseThank you for your kind words. It's rare that a crossover can work without getting silly, which is why I took so long setting things up.
I looked everywhere for 'deosil' and never quite found it. I'd heard it before and had forgotten where. Damn!
Snape and Buckyballs: Precisely!
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