(#) TxA_GunFighter 2007-09-08Outstanding chapter to a very good story. The word usage and some spelling needs to improve but is nothing that will stop me from reading the rest of the story. Yeah, if I was paying alot of money to read it I would want it perfect. But I'm not and I don't.
(#) silverleafhp 2007-09-09Not bad. Spelling and word format needs a little work but other than that I don't see to many glaring problems.
It seems you have put some thought into the plot and that's always a plus.
Only problem I see is that you are rushing it a little bit. I realize that you want to get to the action bits quickly, but sometimes it's good to just set up a scene first and let the story flow from there.
Bottom line is that you are trying and the more you write, the better you will get. So keep it up.
(#) jabarber69 2007-09-09Interesting story I hope you keep it going, hey over on ffnet you have the same story but the summary is different you have him leaving age 10 return 7 yrs later instead of him leaving age 7, returning 10 yrs later like you do here, same thing I guess just noticed that is all, that is unless you have already changed it!
- This is just great! Harry ain't a'gonna play Dumblefutz' chessgame. Plus, he has te magical, political and monetary power to back up his position. Heh heh heh!
He's taking his own actions, and as far as I can see, his way is working pretty well. He has shown a fair-dealing side, by asking Arthur to null Ginny's side of the marriage contract, before nulling his. His advice to Sirius pulled the teeth from Dumbles' laws, and gave the twinkly one, a pounding headache. My one concern is Hermione.
Despite JKR's assertions, Hermione is anything but a brainless, screeching, harpylike bimbette. However, in this story, she never knew Harry and so, I can understand her falling into Dumbledore's 'you can trust me' trap. (H/Hr shipper here! Although H/T is my second favorite. Grins shamelessly)
Harry's method of killing the Deez is a nice change to the usual "We can never even consider using a muggle weapon to fight wizards, despite the fact that they are faster, more accurate and far more deadly."
I have added this to my 'alerts' list and hope to read more at your convenience. Alorkin
- I have to say that I really enjoyed reading this story so far and I hope that you continue with it. I agree with silverleafhp about the story moving a little fast and also about the action scenes. I think you could have added a little more and it would make them a lot better. Harry/Tonks is by far my favorite pairing in the Harry Potter series,Harry/either Black sisters is a close second. I like the more mature and calculating Harry. He loves to have fun and piss people off. If it wasn't for his hatred of Death Eaters and hurting of innocents I would say he would definately go into Slytherin. Of course I think if he was a true slytherin he wouldn't be in the house but placed in one of the other houses, preferably Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Nobody would suspect a Hufflepuff of hiding a true slytherin personality. Working behind the scenes and everthing.I can't wait for an update. Keep up the good work I think this story has potential.
Author's responseThanks for the review. I Was thinking Hufflepuff for basicaly the same reasons you mentioned
- While I enjoyed this story I am left with one question. Why is Harry putting up with Dumbledore? No only is Harry independent but Dumbledore is only the Headmaster of a school and has no say in where he lives before school starts. Harry is not a member of the Order so why put up with it? Why does Sirius let those idiots use his house? There is some serious flaws in your logic of this otherwise smart independent Harry.
(#) luinloriel 2007-10-29great story so far. I love cunning, independant, muggle weapon using Harry.
i noticed a couple fix ups that are needed. sense and they're/their/there.
there: place "we're heading over there now."
they're: contraction for they are
their: possesion. they were in the process of putting on their boots when the phone rang."
Sense is used when refering to smell.
i think what you were trying to say was since as in "he offered her a ride since he was heading to the dance as well"
would you be interested in a beta? i'd love to help if you are. i'm currently working on a couple other peoples right now, so i do have experience. depending on how long the chapters are and if i'm bogged down by RL i usually have them looked at, fixed and sent back in less than a week. let me know if your interested.
well i'm going to go wait for the next chapter. ^hint hint^ jjk
PS if you're going by my review for an opinion about my betaing skills please don't. my own writing is crap. check out HIM by Kiogokoro-Love, or Unsolved Mystery (chap 6 and on) by Debtheslytherinsnapefan on ffnet if you'd like to see what i do. i didn't start until later chapters though..
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